How to Handle Dickheads (Me Too # : Part 16)

I just received a facebook message that I feel is "Timely", given the recent "dick" series of posts.  Below is the woman's request and my response:

Hi May I read your reply to Anita, you wrote something about, your ex facing the consequences, my daughter just got away from a very abusive situation, and somehow cannot muster enough courage to get back at him, I would be greatly obliged, if you could help me guide her, to get justice for her pain and suffering, I thank you in advance, for any help towards a direction

12:10PM

May

I can only tell how I handled my situation... every situation is different, and it wasn't until later (once I felt the bigger danger had passed) when I felt safe enough to take various forms of action. I'm sure it's that way with every victim. Anita was a counselor at Bryony House and so is better equipped and likely knows your situation to be more of a guide. In my situation I had a Court Order against my ex. A Court Order is similar to a Peace Bond... with the only difference being (back then), that it wouldn't result in his having a criminal record). The court order gave me leverage-- if he did anything to harm our children or myself, I would push for a Peace Bond (which includes a criminal record). Secondly, I and many women in similar situations formed a group "MUMS", and became very visible in the media where we could address abuse to women and children. He was very concerned with my being so "visible" about the abuse, saying that people in his community were "talking" and "putting him to task" . I felt no sympathy. Once things settled down with him-- he went on with his life and I with mine, we kept the communication doors open in regards to parenting issues (since he had the kids every other weekend), ie-- I insisted that he never lay a forceful hand on the children, and if he did, I promised to bring him back to court (and he knew I would), THAT more than anything kept him in line. He was able to put the abusive tendency behind him... at least where our children and I were concerned... and I'd like to think that it went beyond that. There's so much that can be done today to have the abuser held accountable... so that the learned behaviour is unlearned, and one doesn't necessarily have to go to court or file a police report. Telling friends often has a powerful affect, and hopefully enough of them will show their disgust to the abuser. And, there is the internet... facebook , where she post about it. And today anyone can write a blog that's open to be read by anyone, and if you write key info about the abuse and abuser ie: photo's name, place of birth/residence, age, etc., then you would have at least paved a way of forewarning others. You have to be aware however, that not all perpetrators will respond as my ex did, and so effecting positive change. I took the chance that my actions would "correct" him and not make him "more abusive", and to this day I'm so glad I did, for my children and for myself... my own self worth!!